…something awoke once again and I would begin writing once more.

Conflict – Resolution 

Conflicted. 

I thought I knew what that meant…

I didn’t.

Torn.

I thought I had experienced it…

I hadn’t 

Unsure.

I thought I was beyond that…

I wasn’t.

Fearful.

I thought I knew how that felt…

I didn’t 

Until now.

Conflicted, torn, unsure, fearful.

Feelings, emotions of the past,

Creeping back into my head and my heart.

Negative?  Not necessarily.

Positive?  I don’t know.

Draining?  To be sure.

Anticipated?  Not in a million years.

Go forward:

See, hear, think, feel,

Immerse, attach, float, anchor,

Consider, weigh, contemplate, visualize,

Resolve,

Decide, 

Live. 

            -Mark D’Elicio (September 23, 2012)

This would be the last poem I would write for 13 years…

To My Love

In all my life I never thought I’d find a love so true -

Until you came and then I found my true love lived in you.

You made me smile, you made me laugh you made me feel needed –

I knew right then that one like you would never be repeated.

My life since then has been a ride – a joyous, happy thing – 

With words to write and love to share and songs for us to sing.

And how I wish I’d met you at a time far in the past –

But happy am I knowing that our bond, our love will last.

Eternity’s a long, long time but wonderful, I know –

Because you now are in my life, because our love will grow.

So know my love, that you are always in my heart each day,

And believe me when I look at you and smile when I say

That you have made me happy and I know the reason why –

It’s because we finally found each other.  I will love you for all of time. 

-Mark D’Elicio (March 19, 1999)

At the commencement of my 3rd relationship, the creativity sparked once again…

Awakening

Sleeping.

That’s what I’ve been doing for so many years –

Content with the things that I thought made me happy;

Unaware of what life could hold for me.

Dreaming.

Escaping the sleep for moments at a time –

Happy only when I dreamed;

Unaware of what life could hold for me.

Praying.

Unsure if anyone would hear me –

Afraid that someone might; 

Unaware of what life could hold for me.

Crying.

Walking through the world alone –

Emotions running empty, I forgot how to feel;

Unaware of what life could hold for me.

Searching.

For what, I did not know –

For something, anything that I could grasp;

Unaware of what life could hold for me.

Finding.

An Angel who made my dreams come true –

Who answered my prayers and who dried my tears;

I am awake now – I finally know what life holds for me.

-Mark D. D’Elicio (January 26, 1999)

Written to someone I loved dearly…

To #4320

Your eyes, dark as a starless night

Stare deep into my soul.

When close, my heart belongs to you

Immersed by your control.

My fondness for you grows each day,

You set my mind on fire.

Extracting from my very being

These words which you inspire.

Your smile, bright as the shining sun

Impels me there to bask.

I want so much to tell you this

But long and hope you’ll ask.

And if the truth were known my friend

I trust you’d clearly see

That all I ask from you is to

Accept this love from me.

And while I pray each night for you

I hope that you might hear

That life, for me, is happier

Whenever you are near.

Content then I must be to write -

I’m so afraid to try

To muster up the strength to say

I’ll love you ‘til I die. 

-Mark D. D’Elicio (February 7, 1995)

I wont even try to explain this one…

De Arte Tui

Delicate as the finest piece of porcelain

Omniscient as the wisest philosopher

Mysterious as the “Seven Wonders”

Intriguing as complex architecture

Namable as the finest sculpture

Intense as the finest drama

Quiescent as the calmest sea

Unswerving as the march of time

Embodying all that I adore. 

            -Mark D’Elicio (February 7, 1995)

My view, and circumstances had chnaged so it was time to update my “Advice to a Synonym.”  Sadly, things weren’t all that better…

More Advice to a Synonym

You don’t have to hide your eyes anymore

Just your feelings.

Ten years ago they’d kill you for who you are;

Now they let you be.

But dare to feel and you might as well be dead.

No, they don’t hate you anymore for who you are,

Just for what you do about it.

Approach someone in their world if you’re one of them

And they’ll see you in court.

Approach someone in their world as yourself

And they’ll see you no more.

Ten years ago I told you that you might find yourself

Alone and defenseless one night with someone

Allowing him to look into your eyes and see the truth.

I hope he’s still out there - I’ve yet to meet him.

As we pollute our bodies and our minds

We sterilize our souls.

We no longer hide from our feelings instead,

We make excuses for them

Our freedom has enslaved us.

So what is my advice now?

Ask me in another ten years… 

            -Mark D. D’Elicio (January 26, 1995)

A combination of life stability and complacency took hold of me for the next 4 years and it wouldn’t be until 1995 when I’d write again.  I have forgotten to whom this empathetic piece was written, but he must have been very special to me.

I’LL ALWAYS UNDERSTAND…

Believe it or not, it may seem strange

I’ll always understand your pain

Which runs as deep and long and far

As mine.

It’s not as though we can’t relate, two souls

As ours, brought close by Fate

Two kindred spirits destined to cross

From ages past.

Your eyes reflect the hope and fear called pain

As do mine and I have seen them many times

Inside of me.

Uncertain as we are of the present but always dreaming

Of the future - of what can be,

Of what it holds.

So when you suffer know that I suffer too

And when you cry know that I cry as well

And when you despair know that so do I

But when you laugh please let me share because I know

That laughter can hurt as much as sadness.

-Mark D’Elicio (January 26, 1995)